I Need to Need You

Tonight’s dinner is already made.

Almost two weeks ago, I was declared free of the condition that, for a time, had me bedridden, wheelchair-bound, unable to cook and unable to drive. There was a woman who promised us a meal, forgot and wanted to keep her word even though I’m considered better. She brought me a home-cooked Indian meal yesterday.

There were about thirty people who brought us meals over those nine months. And others cleaned my house, took care of my children and took me to appointments. I’m humbled to think of how many people love God enough to be inspired into action. And I’m humbled at how God had to humble me to accept their actions.

When I was young, disappointments and dysfunction led me to vow, on perhaps hundreds of occasions, that I would never accept help, would do things myself, and that I would never need anyone. Even when my oldest daughter was diagnosed as a baby with a tumor on her tailbone and needed surgeries and chemotherapy, my husband and I were reluctant to accept help. Wasn’t the American Way to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, showing your strength and resolve by going it alone?

But fast forward to a place where I was unable to even brush my teeth by myself, I knew we couldn’t do it alone as a family. And a dear friend I love very much knew I couldn’t either. He commanded me to accept help, telling me that God was going to love me through His people.

The world finds it unbecoming to be helpless and need others. How often has the world told us our value is in what we do? How often have we cheered the successful person who "did it alone?" And then we have Jesus who has remained on earth for 2,000 years as a “helpless” piece of bread in the form of the Eucharist, submitting Himself as inanimate even though He isn’t. His genius is to allow Himself to need others.

Jesus keeps telling me that holiness isn’t to do everything perfectly by myself. It’s for me to die to myself and let Him do it.

I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone. But I see how in the situation of my illness, the Lord blessed me richly with the opportunity to depend on His providence. Having nothing to hold onto, I found out firsthand that He is faithful.

Exodus 14:10 The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.