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I Shall Not See Happiness Again

“Is not life on earth a drudgery? I shall not see happiness again (Job 7:1, 7).”

The first reading from Job tells a story that many find common: “When I lie down I say, ‘When shall I arise?’ then the night drags on; I am filled with restlessness until the dawn (verse 4).” Insomnia is such a torture, one I have suffered on more occasions than I would wish.

“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle; they come to an end without hope (verse 7).” I have passed many days like this too, one day after another that seems without accomplishment, meaning or joy.

Everyone has tasted despair at one time or another. We live in an age where we are dazzled by many things that offer “happiness,” and yet so many suffer internally. Every time I pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, I am filled with wonder to consider that Jesus suffered internally too.

Jesus humbled Himself to put on flesh, to suffer physical pain. But the Agony in the Garden is where I especially am filled with awe for Him. Most of the sufferings of my life have been internal - issues of anxiety, despair and sadness. Jesus suffered willingly in His Passion and He allowed it to begin with severe emotional suffering. He was “sorrowful unto death (Matthew 26:38).” He was filled with such anguish, He began to “sweat blood (Luke 22:44).”

How much dignity is there for the one who suffers depression, anxiety, grief, insomnia and other emotional problems if Jesus has also entered into these!

The Psalm today reminds us that God is close to the broken-hearted. He declared blessed the ones who weep, “for they will be consoled (Matthew 5:4).” He promises to “wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4).” How can it not be true if Jesus experienced it first hand?

Today at Mass, the visiting priest skipped the sign of peace (for which the Bishop asked us only to wave anyhow as we deal with a flu epidemic). Instead, the priest had us do something different. He asked us to pray to the Holy Spirit right then for peace in America, peace in the world and peace within individual souls. And with that last request, I was hit with the heaviness of people’s hearts. So very many people are filled with sorrows from their lives and the lives of those they love.

We recited together, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” But I looked up and told Jesus that I wanted your soul healed too.

We each have heavy burdens that cause us anxiety, sadness, grief and anger. These “feelings” were so heavy that Jesus began to sweat blood. But He entered into that so He could have dominion over it, conquering it and replacing it with His joy. He promises the best wine ever tasted (John 2:10) and I pray you will taste it today.

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